Thursday, 11 October 2007

Radial Input Devices Piss me off.

What is it with MP3 players using Radial Input Devices, they are really the most annoying and unnatural means to navigate through an overly complex GUI on a 2” (if you are lucky) screen. Would a simple down button be too hard to implement, not to mention pushing back the onset of RSI (Repetitive Strain Injury) by several decades.

Spinning your thumb around in an endless circle has to be one of the most unnatural motions and require far more effort than holding down a simple down button. This brings the other deficiencies of Radial Input Devs to light, they will never be as fast or as accurate as a down button, they have to both, cap acceleration to allow small movements between single songs and have a limited top speed as dictated by the fact your thumb can not move in a circle that fast.

I know the Radial Input Dev in an MP3 player originally comes from Apple, a bane in my life, but why do people need to copy aesthetics is a poor excuse, used by uneducated technically illiterate people who need to justify why they spent $400 on something shiny when a $2.50 roll of tin foil would have had the same effect (and make a spiffy piece of head ware).

What’s even worse is that Crapple are bringing out touch screens with the next version of the crapPod. People have clearly never tried to use a touch screen whist running or in a moving vehicle, using a damned Radial Input Dev whist doing either of those activities is bad enough. All this so called “innovation” [Inigo Montoya] I do not think that word means what they think it means [/Inigo Montoya] and they cant make a device that simply works like a USB flash drive allowing me to copy off of any box I like.

But of course the iTards will try to use the “oooh its shiny” and “look at this, I iz teh Kool” excuses when they drag out their touch crapPod which is covered in greasy fingerprints and encrusted with whatever cheesberger and tall double decaf triple strength mocha-chi-capo-latte they were iShovelling into their iMouth at the same time. Where is your vaunted “aesthetics” now I ask? To paraphrase Benjamin Franklin:

"He who would sacrifice essential functionality for temporary aesthetics deserves neither and will lose both."

I've been away for a while

Mostly dealing with work, I've added a Poll to my blag.

Just this week my boss Richard, asked me if "I was happier now" (as compared to a few months ago when I asked for a pay rise). It took a lot of effort not to blurt out what I really thought but I dont really want to get sacked 2 weeks before my holiday.

BTW I'm going to Thailand.

Sunday, 22 July 2007

The ultimate web 2.0 site

I have conceived of the ultimate web 2.0 site. I got the idea from existing web sites which would fit into the web 2.0 pattern of rehashing old ideas and producing new websites that have all the functionality of old websites with two important differences, the first being that they have some component that runs AJAX or some form of .net and the second difference is that they have a shiny coat of paint.

So I have developed a new site, it is an amalgamation of the two most popular web 2.0 sites YouTube and MySpace, I will call it either YouSpace or MyTube.

The exact function of this site is yet undetermined and that detail is unimportant, as YouSpace/MyTube will have the shiniest web 2.0 colour scheme that money can buy, more importantly I will generate buzz about my site by disseminating news amongst the blogoshpere to synergize the maximum potential of YouSpace/MyTube's Advanced AJAX features.

We will also be Buzzword 2.0 compliant.

Failing this I can always create, the antisocial network

To the dearly departed

I threw away three generations of sneakers this evening.

You may of course be wondering why I kept three generations of sneakers around, we in my defence, sneakers are well... sneaky.

Saturday, 7 July 2007

The indestructable Taco Shell

I am tired of Taco shells breaking on me.

I had tacos for dinner tonight, of course I didn't go to a Mexican restaurant nor did I make the aforementioned tacos myself. Instead I opted for the simpler option of an old el paso taco kit. It was at the point where I was half way through my first taco when the entire construction lost cohesion and fell apart. This is normal. I asked myself "why do taco shells do this" and continued to dig through the remains of what began dinner as a fully formed taco.

It was not until I was half way through my second taco where I struck upon the idea that I should construct the ulitmate indestructible taco shelltm. I realized that the shell was so brittle because of its base construction material, Corn. So I realized that I had two options, rewrite the base structure of corn to make it more malleable or find a corn substitute.

I decided that finding a new material would be better so I began to think of alternatives, first I started with corns nearest cousins, other cereals like barley and wheat then moved onto other members of the plant kingdom such as fruit or cucumber and then onto animals. I conceived of the beef shell, which would eliminate the need to add meat to the shell. But as this solution would require too many head of cattle I continued with my research into alternate materials. The copper shell did not make it past the first test group and the kitten shell was an idea that should be left alone, for a very very long time.

I reached the conclusion that the only material that could construct a shell to specifications is unobtainium. Whist this material is not readily available I have determined that I will need only 17.5 grams of unobtainium per shell.

Wednesday, 23 May 2007

It's evolution, baby

The Question, which came first, the Chicken or the Egg.

Darwinism and Evolution tell us that the Chicken in its modern form came about in tiny changes in reaction to the environment aro
und it. The Chicken evolved from a not-quiet chicken-like creature which in turn evolved from a not-quiet not-quiet chicken-like chicken-like creature which in turn evolved from a not-quiet not-quiet not-quiet chicken-like chicken-like chicken-like creature and so on and so forth until you have a creature which doesn't resemble anything like a chicken, in fact this would continue right until the first division of the first amoeba.

Life according to darwinist theories will exist anywhere where the necessary elements of light, heat and moisture are abundant. So the initial spark of life goes back to the tera-formation and initial formation of a planet. Even be
fore then there was the formation of our ever expanding universe in which the planet formed by a sufficiently sized mass collecting other smaller masses around it until all the mass in the gravity wells vicinity was a part of the planet. So the evolution essentially begins here at the formation of the planet.

Of course the universe is infinite and forever expanding, the planet which exists in its three spatial dimensions, the fourth perceivable dimension, time is expanding along all of these dimensions as well as 7 other dimensions described in string theory, more specifically M theory. To add to this the Alternate Dimensions theory that states there is, in parallel with our own infinite and ever expanding universe other infinite and ever expanding universes which continually are created as different possibilities are diverge into their alternate paths. This theory also states that these "parallel universes" exist in a multiverse which if this theory is correct could also indicate that several infinite and expanding multiverses could exist inside a mega-multiverse and in turn could belong to a uber-mega-multiverse continuing on this trend until infinity.

So this leads us inexplicably to Douglas Adams, who said,
Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind- bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist's, but that's just peanuts to space.
Add this to the number of possible parallel universes in the multiverse, all the multiverses in the mega-multiverse and all the mega-multiverses in the uber-mega-multiverse so on and so forth until infinity. One would think that that trip down to the chemist got a lot shorter, perhaps even infinitely shorter.

So just to surmise

So, who is still thinking about the chicken?

On that subject I have some theories of my own,

First is that the chicken and the egg are not indeed the same species but are two closely related species that share a symbiotic/parasitic relationship. First the Chicken grows as a parasite inside the egg and then the eggs continue to use the chicken as a host to continue their species. Such a symbiosis could occur if both the chicken and the egg were offshoots of the same parent species, a creature which I call the Chegg. Laugh now but mark my words ladies and gentlemen, one day palaeontologists will unearth my Chegg and I will be vindicated.

The second theory is that the chicken is not native to this earth or indeed to this dimension. I theorise that the chicken is a pan-dimensional being which managed to send a small number of eggs through a rift in space/time to arrive here on the earth where the hatched chickens were able to make use to the local surroundings to multiply and are continually attempting to communicate but have thus far been unsuccessful due to the sheer number of differences between us and pan-dimensional beings. If this theory is correct (and I see no evidence to the contrary) it means people are eating a far superior life form, although for some people this can be said for almost anything they eat.

Some would say that evolution is just a theory, well I remind them that gravity is just a theory and say,
If I kick you in the butt, do you fly off the planet. good sir, just a theory indeed.

Tuesday, 22 May 2007

Re-introducing girt back into everyday useage

It is, my intent to re-introduce the word Girt back into the everyday use. I don’t see how a useful word such as girt managed to fall out of popular use, perhaps it was over used and people decided to stop, possibly it had some kind of stigmata attached to it like a serial killer called John C Girt who killed of 107 prostitutes in south London (or possibly south Freemantle) or maybe it just got pissed off with all the other words teasing it and decided to leave on its own. Either way it is a situation that I intend to rectify.

Girt as defined by as:

2. To enclose, surround, hem in.

Girt seems to have so many uses in everyday life, such as: “I’m on the freeway and I’m girt by traffic”, “I am girt by problems” or “why do you continue to girt me with the foulness of your presence”. The sheer number of uses for girt seems limitless. So to all those who are reading my blog (yes both of you) endeavour to use the word girt at least once each day.

Saturday, 28 April 2007

Remix This

I am sick of remixes

No, really sick. Not just tired but sick, dry reaching, bile tasting, vomiting with diarrhoea kind of sick. Just today I heard Riders on the Storm, as done by the doors in some kind of mutated twisted fashion. Such a classic song was remixed with some kind of dance beat, the kind normally consisted of white noise played a various volume levels. A true horror to behold as this hideous beat continued to be played behind Morrison as he sang Riders on the Storm. For once the song was not chopped up into pieces and then re-arranged as some kind of audible Frankenstein, no this was merely adding some horrific background noise to ruin what was a perfectly good song. This is the latest of many audio abominations, horrific mutilations and musical monstrosities that have been produced by people without the talent to so much as play an instrument. Continuing to use such as source material like Sweet Child (GNR) and Smells Like Teen Spirit (Nirvana).

What makes someone do this, what turns an ordinary person into a mutilator of good music, is it hatred or fear, the desire to be heard or perhaps its just jealousy, the feelings of inadequacy that they get when they listen to musical talent that is so much better than their own.

Some people insist on latching on to other peoples work, there was some kind of techno-esque massacre committed to Sweet Child not so long ago but by far and away the worst single instance of this crime seen to date has to be Destinys child's complete raping of Nirvana's Smells Like Teen Spirit. What's more is that they and others like them continue to do this to the works of dead people, people who managed to live far greater lives and had far more talent than the hacks that insist on leaching off the greatness of long since past musicians.

I would seek retribution, punishment for the crime, I would see Destiny's Child and all of their ilk sent to the same place I'm planning to send the RIAA, all the rappers and Hugh Jackman. An inescapable island in a inhospitable land where no-one will ever be subjected to the crimes these people have inflicted upon humanity. I would consider such an act to be a public service.

Tuesday, 24 April 2007

Good Evening Comrade

Last night I won the converted Linux Wireless WPA Challenge (I may blog about this at a later date) and rather excited about my victory bounded kitchen-ward to grab a coke. Upon my arrival at the aforementioned kitchen I found my housemate making dinner, this was not unusual as my housemate lives there and I just happened to mention of my successes on the Linux front.

At first my housemate noted that I was positively euphoric, and then quickly said that the only time he had seen me this happy was when I was to quote “really drunk”, this being a reference to my state after last years office Christmas party during which time I was reportedly “sociable”, “talkative” “having a good time” and “shitfaced”.

After effectively demonstrating that I was indeed not drunk, my somewhat politically conservative housemate asked “have you ever thought about Communism”, this question at the time seemed a lot like “have you ever thought about suicide” or “have you ever thought about using a Mac”. Apparently the idea of Open Source Software seemed communistic to him, whist it is a bit socialistic Linux is very much a free market application, just one with few restrictions and can be used in the making of much money very effectively which IMO is very anti-communistic. For a better analogy please see here.

So this got me thinking on Communism in general, I think Soviet Russia proved that Communism however simple will not work. I don’t believe that as a race Humans are evolved enough mentally to be able to handle a truly egalitarian state. It the whole “the grass is greener on the other side” paradox, although someone’s neighbour possesses exactly the same house and all the same furniture that someone will still think that his neighbour still has more and will take measures to possess what his neighbour has. I firmly believe in what Winston Churchill once uttered about government.

Democracy is the worst form of government, except for all the others we have tried
Besides, if we all were the same I'd probably kill everyone else out of boredom

You can have your analogy and eat it too

Last night I developed an analogy for operating systems based on Cake, everybody likes cake, right?

First I begin with the Microsoft cake shop. From the Microsoft cake shop you can purchase the Microsoft Cake XP™. Whilst you don’t know what ingredients are in Microsoft Cake XP™ or how Microsoft Cake XP™ was made you find that after Icing Pack 2 was applied to Microsoft Cake XP™ it is quiet a good product. Microsoft Cake XP™ comes in one flavour but three sizes Microsoft Cake XP™ home, Microsoft Cake XP™ Media Centre Edition and Microsoft Cake XP™ Professional. Microsoft Cake XP™ is also Quiet Pricey at $350 per cake.

Now onto Linux Cake. You can buy Linux Cake pre-made but it’s generally harder to get a hold of. This is due to the recipe for Linux Cake being available for free, you still need the ingredients but the recipe is free. This means that you as the “eater” have to make or get made for you, the cake itself. This ensures that you know the quality of the Cake and what ingredients comprise the Cakes composition. Linux Cake comes in all flavours and sizes as well as being able to make your own flavour of Linux Cake.

Finally Apple Cake ™, Apple Cake X™ is cheaper then Microsoft Cake XP™ at only $200 per cake but the real kicker is that Apple Cake X™ can only be eaten from an official Apple™ bowl, using an official Apple™ spoon and can only be topped with officially sanctioned Apple™ cream. The Cake is quiet cheap but you pay through the nose for the hardware to support it. Apple Cake X™ only comes in one flavour and one size and while you can see some of what’s in Apple Cake X™ you can’t make it yourself nor can you have any other flavour.

Monday, 23 April 2007

X-ray vision,

I for one can say that I don't want X-ray Vision. There are so many other forms of vision that are so much better.

Such as:
Magnetic Resonance Vision: Ha, I just looked at your crotch and now you're infertile.
Gamma-Rays Vision: Stare people into a radioactive crisp
Infra-red vision: not so cool, unless you're stoned.

Sunday, 22 April 2007


Real Time Tank Rushing.

I purchased a copy of Command and Conquer 3 several weeks ago and upon playing the game in some depth found myself disgusted with the fact it was advertised as a "Real Time Strategy" game. Pretty much the only strategy available to the player is to build as many tanks as possible and throw them towards the enemy base hoping to do enough damage that he cant rebuild before rinsing and repeating. If the player were to attempt any other kind of strategy such as aerial domination and bombardment, stealth elimination of key targets or just plain old artillery siege the player would quickly find that in the time it took to build and array such forces the AI would have built 20 cheap tanks and be having its way with your base.

Maybe I'm turning into a strategy snob after being spoilt with Supreme Commander and Galactic Civilizations II but one would expect that a "real time strategy" game would permit more than one strategy.

My other major problem is with over-powered super weapons. If you can put up with the monotony of constant tank rushes long enough to build one of the games super weapons you can effectively eliminate their entire base in one shot. Generals more or less proved that overpowering super weapons was a quick way to suck the fun out of the game. A super weapon should allow you to take out one or two structures or a large group of units whilst leaving the structures intact. This is how the original C&C games worked. Also the game runs way too fast, 3 seconds to build an entire infantry platoon, 7 second for a tank. Resource problems are virtually eliminated as you get so much from one load to Tiberium that you don't need to bother fighting over resources. For comparison, in C&C 1, you would get 700 from each harvester which took about 15 to 30 seconds, in C&C 3 you get 2000 from each harvester every 10 to 15 seconds which means you don't need to conserve resources and make careful purchases.

It's only saving grace were the FMV (Video) sequences. Whist the C&C series had notoriously (and deliberately) cheesy B grade video sequences these were a new level of cheese entirely. I'll begin with the GDI video's, Michael Ironside and Billy Dee Williams were over-acting way too much, even for a B grade extravaganza like C&C, Grace Park was not even acting at all, was she told to just stand there and speak, I mean what were they thinking. The NOD side was better but I will begin with Tricia Helfer's performance, It was the same quality as her performance on Battlestar Galactica, in fact I would say it was pretty much exactly like her performance on BSG, did EA save money on not bothering to write a new character. Joseph Kucan's played Kane well and I think this is the first time in the C&C series where Kane actually gets angry. Josh Holloway was also pretty good in the films, despite having a Serbian character with a drawl one normally associates with the South of the United states, although I haven't seen Lost so I have no material for comparison.

I was exited to get a new C&C game when it was first announced last year but in the first few hours of its release I was only reassured in Electronic Arts ability to screw up a perfectly good idea. I did get value out of the few hours of video on the DVD I didn't get AU$90 worth of value,

EA, I want 45 dollars back

You can add it to the $25 you owe me for C&C renegade.

The name change

I've decided to change the name of my blog as "the Hindenburg effect" was already taken.

Blog added to Firefox dictionary.

Firefox added to Firefox dictionary.

Sunday, 8 April 2007

Pro Virtus odio bardus

I was on the bus the other day, an uncouth teenager who looked like a cross between a skinhead and a vegan bounded on just as the doors were closing. after the usual exchange of money for passage the bus began to disembark. As this was happening the uncouth teen began to speak in a rather exited tone with a rather dull voice "there's someone running for the bus", "driver, there's someone running for the bus". The driver continued to turn unfazed by this turn of events I fully expected the youth in question to take a seat as any normal person would not have bothered notifying the driver of such events.

But he did not.

the youth continued to petition the driver 'but sir, there's someone running for the bus. But this point we were around the corner and the runner in question would have no doubt have given up on his pursuit and the youth continued unabated "there's someone running for the bus". He kept going until the driver asked him to stop. Now this person sounded like a complete tool, I think I can speak for the other 3 passengers at the time where this person should have just shut up. As he walked past me and took a seat I got to thinking, he despite being obviously mentally deficient must have had some idea of how stupid he looked and then it hit me.

He knew,

He just didn't care.

At that point I changed my opinion of this young man, it must have required an incredible amount of balls for him to stand up and do what he did. A display of bravery in the face of utter stupidity, it would have cost him nothing to simply sit down and shut up, but he didn't, he continued until his quest was complete and despite failure the valour of such an act continued to shine through.

As the old saying goes,
"The heroic can never be common nor the common heroic"
I would wish to award this man the "Victoria Spanner" the highest award that can be given for an act of retardedness. "Pro Virtus odio bardus" For Valour Despite Stupidity, this young man personifies those words and on some level I admire his bravery.

Title of previous post fixed

I will learn to proof read
I will learn to proof read
I will lern to prroff read
I will learn to prrof reed

Monday, 2 April 2007

Standard Nerds

I was getting my hair cut this weekend, when I noticed an unusual increase in the nerd population of the CBD, more unusual still, it was daylight. So an increase in the nerd population, in the middle of the day and not just among the comic-book-guy look alikes at the arcade across the road from liquorland, at least it used to be across the road from liquorland until they moved. I guess the clientele of the arcade were scaring away their custom. This to an ordinary person would seem suspicious if not down right frightening if they weren’t in possession of the knowledge that a video games conference called GO4 was currently in progress a short walk from the CBD.

Well nerds dressed like ordinary people were walking around carrying MSI promotional bags, probably containing a hat or T-shirt and some marketing material, I don’t know, I was not in possession of such a bag. As I was getting my hair cut, talking to the hair dresser as you do, the topic of the MSI promotional bag came up. “Who are MSI” she asked in idle conversation. Now despite being a hairdresser this girl was quiet astute and I would not use the term “mentally deficient” to describe her. So I replied “Micro Star International, they make motherboards”. The look on her face wasn’t quiet confusion, more of a confused surprise that I was able to respond rapidly to that question. I doubt she knew any more about MSI them when this conversation began but I assume, given the fact she knew what I do for a living that she was able to put two and two together.

Now remember, the first rule of geek club: nobody talks about geek club.

I quickly attempted to change the subject without making it too obvious as this conversation quickly heading towards vapidity. I then explained that there was a video game conference on at the convention centre and these bags were merely promotional material hoping to bring this conversation to a rapid and total conclusion. Then the worst possible scenario happened, she asked if I was planning to go. Now at some point in the past I was planning to go to GO4 but as the actual event came around I found that I couldn’t justify going, in fact I just couldn’t be arsed.

Second rule of geek club: if anyone is talking to a girl, geek club is over.

Rather than tell the truth about my intentions and later apathy towards aforementioned conference I lied. I said that I had been working since 6 am (it being 12:15 PM by that point) and that I was planning to do a bit of shopping. It was a lie but hey, it was either that or I have to find a new hairdresser next month.

Third rule of geek club: if its your first time at geek club….

Tuesday, 20 March 2007

The Mac Driver

I have determined that the earth should be rid of the terrible curse wrought upon engineering called the Macintosh. Uncouth white boxes of substandard design and construction masquerading as machines of function and usefulness. An arrogant slap to the face of any engineer who has produced any worthwhile machine.

I have come to the conclusion that I must aid the world in eliminating this electronic infestation. First I must have the wretched contraptions gathered into a single place, this part is trivial and far beneath the attention of a genius such as myself, what is important is how to dispose of them in a fitting manner. A means both devious and elegant in its design but still maintaining function and purpose. If I were to forgo function and purpose for form and design my grand masterpiece would be no more fitting of existence than the devices I seek to destroy.

Normally such an act of genius would be evil and self centred. So why am I committing an act of good, to rid the world of such a problem. Well not all acts can be evil, every now and then an evil genius must commit an act of good for two reasons, the first being that it reminds us of the line between good and evil as well as where we stand on it, the second and most important reason is that one good act once in a while makes that next evil deed oh, so much sweeter.

As any evil genius can tell you that such a point should be delivered in a grandiose fashion as such no like-minded individual or organisation will seek to challenge your views again, it must be demonstrated in no uncertain terms that you are right, those who disagree will be shown the error of their ways. To this end I have determined the best way to rid the planet is to get Macintoshes "off the planet".

How I hear you ask in such a voice of disbelief? ye of little faith. Well then unbelievers I shall tell you. I will begin the construction of the "Mac Driver" a giant magnetic weapon of such strength that it will propel Mac's out of the atmosphere and on a collision course with the sun. Well the sun part was the work of this man, good work number 14133583302150503315 you may have a future in this. I on the other hand was merely content to send them into the depths of the void but upon hearing this idea I was compelled to change the plan.

Well back to the driver itself, well it would need to be powerful enough to propel a 5 to 10 KG payload into HEO (High Earth Orbit) and therefore would need to be fired at escape velocity from the weapon, which is a minimum of 11 KM per second on a low ballistic trajectory, less than 10 degrees from the azimuth (90 degrees or straight up). To be on the safe side I will make the launch speed 15 KM's per second, to facilitate this I will need to add another reactor to the design.

In order to test the Mac Driver I will need to first launch a at half power, Now a Mac launched at a a high arcing trajectory that would fail to reach escape velocity would certainly fall back to earth. Such a projectile cannot be allowed to fall just anywhere, so I have decided that the Mac driver shall be aimed at Nashville (TN) in order for its first test.

Eliminating Nashville will ensure that the blood curdling twang of its guitars are never heard from again. Two acts of good in a single scheme? Well it I'm feeling generous today.

Friday, 16 March 2007

Hyphenated surnames

People with hyphenated surnames are something that really annoys me. I mean are these people so indecisive or insecure that they are unable to pick which name they like better. Surely it cant be that hard to choose a name when you get married, choose his name, or her name or keep your own damn names although I’m not sure how the tax department will deal with that but that’s really is not my problem just pick one, one singular surname. More over these “people” with hyphenated surnames tend to stride about air of elitism, noses in the air. Back in the days of Vlad (the Impaler) when one complained of the smell at Vlads level he would have them stuck on a higher pike than everyone else so that their sensitive noses would not be offended, any who I digress.

Especially Greek people, their names are long and complicated enough without combining two together like constaopalis~papadopholus. How the hell would you even fit that on most application forms, does your marriage certificate read “constaopalis~papadop” because as someone who’s simple six letter surname has never been spelt correctly on any official piece of documentation throughout my 24 years of existence, this would really annoy me to no end.

Do you know what it is, what people always get wrong, I have an X in my name, E GADS why for the love of god do people need to write three letters to get the same sound as a single letter that actually is in my name. And what is with using the tilde (~) between names, what’s wrong with a dash (-), because you have two names you are too good for a dash.

No-one is too good for a dash.